We are full of them, whether we realise it or not.  We say we have them, but more often than not they have us.  What is this thing I’m describing? 

They’re our Habits, and they drive our lives to the Nth degree, sometimes brilliantly, but many times not so and root us in a quagmire that can rule us moment by moment.  They are our regular tendencies and practices.  They are often unconscious and automatic. Although they can be impacted and influenced by Motivation (made up of Intention and Motion meaning to take action), they are more likely to drive Behaviour and Change than do Motivation by itself.

Habits are amazing when we are excited about learning something new and wonderful. They can enable us to cope with huge amounts of information, choices, decisions, goals and emotions.  Many of these habits are unconscious, directing behaviour like a conductor does an orchestra, but we are often unaware of this.  While good habits make it easier to achieve desired results without sapping our energy, undesirable habits make it difficult to achieve our wants, hopes and desires and will drain our inner resources.

Most of us do not worry too much about our habits unless and until they begin to create havoc and unhappiness in our lives.  At the start of a new year, you will hear words like “goals”, “motivation”, “resolutions” being spoken about like its going out of fashion.  It is a rare thing to hear others giving a platform to the idea of “Habits” and the role they play in keeping us stuck.  Yet again.  The emphasis is regularly placed on “willingness”,“motivation” and “resolutions”. 

It appears to be a little-known thing that “Willingness” and “Motivation” are states of mind which can embed a habit or not.  The fact that they are used to underpin a habit, means that the habit came first!  Indeed, Habits are known to change the structure of the brain and thereafter impact Behaviour. 

Willingness and Motivation alone are not known to impact brain structure, but Habits do. 

Repeated habits work like this; simply put, repeated actions cause your neurons to fire again and again, forming a stronger and strong neuronal circuit. Heard the term “Neurons that fire together, wire together”?   This comes from an evidence based theory called Hebbian theory, which showed that repeated actions created stronger neuron circuits, allowing us to do things on autopilot.

Now autopilot can be good, but only if these habits are not undesired ones.  The more a habit is performed, the stronger the neuronal circuits become.  Autopilot speeds up the transmission of signals, in effect making it easier and quicker for the habit to occur next time.  So, if you’re looking to embed new behaviours and release old ones, small changes in your Habits are a good place to start making changes so you experience the big changes you seek.

 

Want to learn more about how we can start making small changes to your habits? Book a free consultation call!

You are a magnet, whether you choose that word or not, you are attracting or repelling certain things in your life.

The laws by which you choose to live your life is what makes you a human magnet; a person with a certain vibe!  Did you know that the word “vibe” is derived from the word “Vibration”. A magnet has a vibration, which attracts certain things to itself.

What you say Yes or No to determines what vibe you have, and what vibe you have determines the laws by which you choose to live your life.  The quality of your relationships, finances, creative expression, physical well-being and your state of mind are all impacted by your personal laws.

How do you hold conversations? Are they honest, genuine, guarded, open, loving, affirmative, uplifting, gossipy, complaining and erratic?  We all have the capacity to have conversations that hold any of those qualities, but which ones do YOU choose?  You see, whatever qualities .you live by, will attract your relationship group (that includes friends, lovers, acquaintances, colleagues).  It creates your “vibe”.  That is why some people will gravitate towards you and some people will keep you at bay.  So what qualities are you living by?

What personal laws are you applying which may hinder or accelerate your evolution?

 

Here is a mini Inquiry practice on Poverty Mentality:

I feel about money this way:

Stingy, Greedy, Hoarder (be honest and mark yourself out of ten with 10 being True and 1  being the false -the  furthest away from this).

Invest, Accumulate, Circulate((be honest and mark yourself out of ten with 10 being True and 1  being the false -the  furthest away from this).

 

Sometimes this practice may bring about a visceral reaction around money and affluence.  If you are honest with yourself may give you an indication of how you are presenting yourself to the world when it comes to money. 

Are you the magnet whose personal laws accelerate or hinder your evolvement?

Which laws are holding you hostage?

Ready to release your poverty consciousness? Contact me to find out more. 

The Willingness to live our desires takes courage. 

From early childhood we are exposed to other people’s ideas of who we ought to be and how.  It is usually backed up by television programmes, school and friendships as early as playground playmates.  As a child our identities are primarily shaped by parents who perceive us in certain ways and treat us accordingly.  We may also be objects of their unmet or hidden ambitions.  We are read books with certain heroes or heroines.  The influencing, shaping and sculpting has begun.  We are inculcated into family patterns where we are reminded through old photographs, stories of what those before us did or did not do.  Psychologists tell us that by the time a child is 7 years old, their personality is formed.  He/she is now just a littler version of who he/she is going to be.  But is this mould really set like they say?  Is that it?

Are we our family?  Are we the result of relationships and friendships we have been exposed to and cultivated?  Are we our university alumni?  Who does the choosing?  The YOU that you have chosen or the You that has been shaped and moulded?  What if the life you have been influenced, shaped and moulded to follow is not the life you would have chosen for yourself?   What do you do?  What would happen if you leave the life you have built, the life you have unconsciously chosen and step forward to claim the life for which you have longed?

Often, we have inherited someone else’s view of who we are or should be.  I have watched this play out time and again in a number of families or friends as they describe their families. 

It takes real courage to stare into the deepest parts of yourself.  Are you willing to see what is TRUE, REAL and ETERNAL about you?  What do the deepest parts of yourself really long for?   You see, the part of you that is shaped, moulded and sculpted is your personality.  Your personality is not all of who you are.  The part of you who questions your choices, who longs to live a life of your deepest desires, who observes you in unexpected moments, that is the eternal part of you.  Some call it the Soul.  Are you willing to risk knowing who you really are?  Who you’ve always been?  Could you live with the consequences of knowing?  You see, all of our deepest desires are our Soul’s way of calling us back to simply being all of who we really are.

Each time I have allowed myself to “go there” I won’t lie and say it is easy.  In fact “fear” visits.  It feels quite palpable.  She sits in the corner wringing her hands as if to say “let see what you got!” My mind registers multiple “what ifs”.  I do not pretend to be unafraid.  I know that when fear visits, the idea is to have me not choose, to keep me stymied, catatonic so I remain the same.  But I would rather know myself and live with the consequences of these choices than to live a life making choices which have probably never been mine to make.

Sometimes I have made choices which have deviated from the status quo, from what others expected of me.  Whilst those watching have smiled seemingly supportive, I have sensed a lack of support, even anger.  I have, in the past, turned down work of a particular nature because it was inconsistent with who I thought I was and the overwhelming attitude from some have been “how dare you”.  I have sensed and learned that making choices in alignment with who I think I am, can disrupt others’ perception of who they think they are.  The negative energy emanating from those who disapprove for whatever reason makes me wonder whether I am holding up a mirror in which they can see themselves.

In any case isn’t that what we are for each other?  Mirrors! Should we be clinging to our so called powerlessness or unwillingness to change like a comfort blanket?  Is that supposed to let us off the hook of taking responsibility for our own lives? I suspect that those who choose to challenge inherited perceptions by opting for a different response to life, threaten the others carefully cultivated self-deception.

 

The work that I do is simply “Heart” work. 

I hold others with and from the Emotional centre of my being.  Feeling another (without touching), holding another (energetically), touching another (vibrationally).  That is what I do.  

I am a midwife to holding the ache, the sorrow, the joy, the courage, the peace.  When a beloved (You) sits before me with “their story”, this opens a gateway into the interior landscape of both teller and listener.  An unfolding begins to occur in the telling of the story and the conscious contemplation of both beloved and midwife. 

My presence holds a warning and a promise in the same energetic space; the consequences of moments of deep intimacy with yourself, with another and with the world.  I hold the space for you to be present with your joy and sorrow, with longing and desire, as layer upon layer of yourself, myself and the world is revealed. 

Neither of us can know in advance, what this revelation will look like or what action it will inspire or compel us to take.  Personally, I have circled moments of anticipated intimacy with my own desires, catch the scent of portended change in the air and promptly shut down my emotions for fear of what it would call upon me to do in and with my life.  Having based parts of my life on truths that no longer exist, the changes that deep intimacy with real Truth evoked looked very dangerous.  It is terrifying to watch one’s life structures crumble and fall.  It forced me to ask, “Who am I now without these stories”?  

You cannot tell in advance which aspects of your carefully constructed sense of self, if any, will survive when you begin a coaching journey.  However well-intentioned or unconscious, if you have lived your life from a place of being asleep to yourself, the idea of giving birth to a new self is a total knee trembler. 

The beauty of doing this work is the recognition at some point, that there are things that Life wanted me to know, and since I have experience of it, I can therefore re-gift it to another by way of my heart when they sit before me. 

As a midwife, I have often touched my own sorrow as well as my joy.  I cannot promise that the journey to birthing your ‘Self’ will be easy.  Opening yourself to living intimately with the world is not a selective process where you are in control of every experience.  And so it is, that as “You,” sit before me, I know that you have taken the first step towards revealing the next layer of your life.  I know that you are seeking this thing that is calling your name; there is a hunger present.  When I am able to help you to acknowledge this hunger within yourself, once you are even able to taste the possibility of touching the meaning enfolded in your life, you can never be content with just going through the motions.  Learning cannot be undone.  It is at this point that transformation begins.

Those of us who do this work, can sense, see and feel the courage of another human heart.  It is from this place of Heart that I hold what matters for the journey; again and again, even when doing so may seem to the human mind, unbearable or simply impossible.  All of us, are here to give birth to a deeper intimacy with our lives and our world and with Heart we open gateways for others to do the same.

 

 

 

You love your sibling.  You want to be like her because she has everything you hoped your life would have but doesn’t.   She is happily married with four children, has a beautiful home with a white picket fence; the lot.  She is outgoing, gregarious and fun.  Your diary is full of making yourself available to your sibling.  She is able to live life fully because you make it so. You also resent the hell out of the situation.

Time to be yourself.  When you say that something has to change, you must know that it will have to begin with you.  Free will is the source from which your life stems.  What conversations are you having in order to bring about your life? Every ‘yes’ and every ‘no’ is a full sentence. It can either open a door or close it; it can create possibilities for conversations or limit them.  Siblings can add to or take away from your life, but only if you let them.  Resentment has its uses, but they are limited.  It informs us that where we are is possibly not where we want to be. 

“Yes”.  How many times have you said that word and not meant it?  How many times has it diminished your life, whilst you watched another’s circumstances flourish; because you said it!

“No”.  So many of us are afraid to say it!  So worried we won’t be liked after saying it.  But you know, the word can be a blessing onto our lives.  It is transparent in its intention.  How many times have we heard someone say “which part of “n” and “o” don’t you understand!  This full sentence of “No”, has the power to define, clarify, confirm and transform.  I’m not talking negotiable No’s here!

Maybe the next time you find yourself feeling resentful/living someone else’s life/wanting someone else’s life, try examining your ‘no’s’ and yesses.  It may help you to be fully yourself because you know that everyone else is taken.

Firstly, goals are never just Personal.   Why? Because our lives are never just about us.   We all have a “vibe” and everything we think and do impacts others around us. So, the attainment of goals or not impacts us and those closest to us.

When you say “ How can I set Personal Goals”, I would respond “Goal setting for the sake of what?”.  You’ve got to know Why you want to set a goal.  Your “Why” will be your Driver.  If your “Why” is not big enough, makes you hungry enough, puts a fire in your belly enough, then I suspect you may not follow through with what you have to do.

Goal setting is sometimes more than just “Goal setting”.  Every month or year, people set goals and do not follow through.  How many times have you set a goal (at New Year) and by March you haven’t even taken the first step to making it happen.

So I ask; “Goal setting for the sake of What?”  If you are unable to answer, then we need to have a convo.

If you CAN answer, this is what I would ask you (and that is just to start).

  1. What Intention is at the back of this Goal
  2. Now that you have an Intention, what are you to pay Attention to?
  3. For example, if your Intention is to experience Financial Freedom, are you paying attention to your spending habits?
  4. For example, if your Intention is to be more assertive at work, are you paying attention to your ability to practice your non negotiable “No’s and non negotiable “Yesses”?
  5. Intention and Attention work hand in hand for goal setting and goal achievement
  6. When you can answer 1-4, you are ready to start

If you have a look at 1-4 again, you will see that what is often required for successful goal setting and successful goal achievement is the mastering of Habits.  Behind 3 and 4 is the requirement to change a habit.  Lets talk to see if we can create achievable goals for you, together.

 

 

There comes a time when we have to relinquish who we think we are; to leave behind the person behind the masks. Masks keep you fear filled. Creates knots in your belly. They stop you from living a full life. It then usually means that you are not fully seen, you don’t bring all of yourself to whatever you are doing.

As I understand it, living this way is no picnic. Masks can be so burdensome, don’t you think? Constantly slipping, but we have a sense of when we want to let it go, like when the effort that it takes to hold it in place outstrips the effort to let it go.

For those of us longing to step out from behind the masks, there is usually a longing. There is usually a knowing that where you are is not where you are meant to be. Do you recognise the feeling?

I too have lived in that space. In fact, I know it intimately. When “the knowing” came, I knew that in order to live my most authentic life, it would require me to change, to embrace fierce self honesty, and to stare into the barrel of my own being. Over the years I had tried to do much of it by myself. I would take a one dimensional snapshot of my challenges and work on that. I would make some headway, but it was always limited. I found myself achieving goals, but not building lasting competences that held me.

I found out that looking at anything one dimensionally is extremely limiting. Life happens on multiple levels, domains and streams. You could say that when I began to view my challenges from multiple angles and perspectives, an amazing unfolding happened. I began to manage challenges differently and with more skill, I could establish clarity quickly and release that which was not serving my life. Self-deception disappeared and I developed increased competence in all areas of my life.

This journey, I privately call the “Warrior’s journey”, but through it all, I have been and continue to be held with tremendous skill, kindness and support.

It is this which I now bring to you; the gift of Integral Coaching. This is a way of exploring your emotions, attitudes, thoughts, feelings and intentions from multiple perspectives, enabling you to bring all of yourself to your life as authentically as possible.

Many leaders and chief executives are often frustrated by how their personal effectiveness is perceived by their teams. This frustration is amplified by not knowing how to take this hurdle.

Do you wish to know THE scientifically proven predictor of outstanding leadership?

Recently, I worked with a chief executive who had poor interpersonal relationships with his direct reports. He relied solely on intellectual knowledge and ignored all other resources available to him.

Above all, he was unable to see himself objectively. He was unable to observe both his own emotions and those of others.

What he urgently needed was to use his Cognitive Intelligence together with Emotional Intelligence. The combination of these two modes of understanding leads to outstanding leadership.

Why was this exposure to Emotional Intelligence necessary for this person?
Read more

Many executives are so immersed in their daily tasks that they crash and burn without advance warning.

Did you know it doesn’t have to be so?

Do you know how to observe yourself and spot when you are going to step into the arena of crash and burn?

Do you know that you can avoid it?

In the video, I showed you how I was able to help a senior executive with whom I worked for an 9 months and who had been off work for 9 months prior to starting work with me.

How did I help him?
Read more

Do you know one of the best predictors of success at work and personal fulfillment in life?

Here is what happened when I worked with a chief executive to build a greater level of personal awareness, which in turn transformed his level of effectiveness in leading his organisation.

For 12 months we worked on mastering mental and emotional processes.

I trained him in Mindfulness techniques to build his levels of self-awareness.

I trained him to enhance his abilities to monitor his own feelings and emotions and to observe those of others.

I taught him to enhance his abilities to self-correct unhelpful behaviours, to guide his own actions.

Briefly put, I worked with him on Mindfulness.

Why were those practices necessary?
Read more