What if we loved our children so much, we encouraged them to make as many “mistakes” as possible?

What if we got out of our own way and just allowed them to Be?

What if, instead of being Mother Protector, we threw off the cloak and became Mother Observer?

I once posed these questions to a friend who was trying to protect her only son from moving in with a divorcee who had two children. “but she’s lived her life” my friend said of her sons girlfriend. “that could be the biggest mistake of his life”.

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Sometimes we struggle to believe something unless we have proof of it through our five senses. At one time in human evolution, the question was asked “are there forms of life that are smaller than the eye can see?” It did not make sense to us unless we could prove it through our five (limited) senses. So from that place the answer to that question was “No”. There is always one who thinks out of the box and generally considered a troublemaker, so he/she did not accept the “No”, and a microscope was invented.

Another question followed, “are there things which exist that are smaller than can be seen through a microscope?” Again the answer was “No”, but the persistent among us discovered the idea of atomic and subatomic phenomena.

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Are we really happy here
With this lonely game we play
Looking for words to say
Searching but not finding
Understanding anywhere
We’re lost in a masquerade

The words of this song by Leon Russell come to mind everyday whilst observing commuters at the train station, on the tube, waiting at the bus stop. The song is called This masquerade. Written about a couple in the dying throes of a relationship, it may as well have been referring to the thousands making their way to and from work obsessed with their iphones, tablets, blackberrys.

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You love your sibling. You want to be like her because she has everything you hoped your life would have but doesn’t. She is happily married with four children, has a beautiful home with a white picket fence; the lot. She is outgoing, gregarious and fun. Your diary is full of making yourself available to your sibling. She is able to live life fully because you make it so. You also resent the hell out of the situation.

Time to be yourself. When you say that something has to change, you must know that it will have to begin with you. Free will is the source from which your life stems. What conversations are you having in order to bring about your life? Every ‘yes’ and every ‘no’ is a full sentence. It can either open a door or close it; it can create possibilities for conversations or limit them. Siblings can add to or take away from your life, but only if you let them. Resentment has its uses, but they are limited. It informs us that where we are is possibly not where we want to be.


Yes. How many times have you said that word and not meant it? How many times has it diminished your life, whilst you watched another’s circumstances flourish; because you said it!

No. So many of us are afraid to say it! So worried we won’t be liked after saying it. But you know, the word can be a blessing onto our lives. It is transparent in its intention. How many times have we heard someone say “which part of “n” and “o” don’t you understand! This full sentence of “No”, has the power to define, clarify, confirm and transform. I’m not talking negotiable No’s here!

Maybe the next time you find yourself feeling resentful/living someone else’s life/wanting someone else’s life, try examining your ‘no’s’ and yesses. It may help you to be fully yourself because you know what everyone else is taken.